I started this blog over a year ago knowing I was doing something I had felt for a long time that I needed to do... have a voice. Speak for justice. Speak hope. Bring light. + I was so excited about it.
Then the posts stopped....
"what you have to say isn't important."
"you look stupid and annoying."
"you'll never be as good as *insert any name here*."
It's so easy to lose sight of what you know God wants YOU to do when we do something so small yet so powerful... compare.
Soon the life and passion begins to wilt away because I see how God did it for another person, and I don't understand why it can't be that simple for me.
How did that person get that position?
Why is she losing the weight faster?
How can she have a family and stay sane, and I can't even keep my own life together?
Her house is so much cleaner than mine...
& the biggest one in my life right now...........
Why are all the people I went to school with graduating and starting their careers while I'm four years in and changing my major?
It really is true what they say. "Comparison is the thief of Joy."
I should be celebrating. I made an A on my final in Managerial Accounting, found a passion in business administration, and have had a great year. So what's the big deal?
I've spent practically the entire semester feeling almost guilty for being happy about changing my major.
WHAT? Kat, how can you feel guilty about being a student and learning?
Because I quit my job to focus on school while other wives are working.
Because people I tutored in high school have their lives together and graduated two weeks ago when I just willingly gave myself an extra two years of classes.
Because there's currently muddy paw prints on my floor from the dogs while the neighbors next door have a spotless home.
Comparison... something so small that wrapped its roots around me and suffocated the life out of me so subtly that I didn't even notice it was happening.
Then it hit me... why am I doing this?
REALITY CHECK:
God created me uniquely. So why wouldn't He also create my story uniquely. That's how are stories are so beautiful. Not a single one of us has the same story. If every book we read or movie we watched had the same problem and ending, it would be boring and we would never watch them. **Hallmark movies are not included, they're all great**
God allows everything to happen for a reason. Maybe the extra two years of college are a humbling process for me. Maybe God has allowed me to get a variety of educations that I'll one day need. Or maybe He wants me to stop being so busy, and He knows that school is the only thing that will keep me at home long enough to rest.
It's not my job to know God's "why." It's my job to trust His process and enjoy it rather than throwing a tantrum because my life isn't just like someone else's.
So here I am, Katherine Norris. Business Administration Student.
& Here I am. Katherine Amelia, blogger.
Here's to the adventure the lies ahead..
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