I have a morning routine. Every morning, I wake up, walk out of the bedroom and greet my two pups, get a glass of water, sit down and read my devotional, and then I watch an episode of my favorite tv show, One Tree Hill.
Two of the main characters, Haley and Nathan, have been married for 6 years. They have the cutest 4 year old son named Jamie. When they got married, Nathan was on his way to being the number 10 draft pick in the MBA (I think that is what pro basketball is called anyway) and Haley had been on tour as a singer and recorded an album. However, they gave it all up after Nathan had an accident and they had a child to raise.
After a while, their marriage was on the rocks after a series of unfortunate events. They went to counseling, and what the counselor did truly amazed me. (I get it, it’s a tv show, it’s not real life… but bear with me)
She said, “I’ve heard you talk for a month about who you are as a couple. When you describe yourself you say you are a parent, a spouse, and a friend.” And here’s what got me…. “But who are you individually.”
They go on to talk through more things. How Nathan left basketball. How Haley never sings anymore. Then the counselor said, “Maybe neither of you are the people you fell in love with because neither one of you are trying to be the people you fell in love with.”
Wow.
Think about marriage. Anyone who grew up in church all knows the scriptures. The two become one, submit to one another, sacrifice. And it is all true. BUT, when did we take that as we have to give up our uniqueness of what God created us to be?
I believe so many Christian, God-fearing families struggle in their marriages because they are so focused on “being one” that they have left behind the things God created them for and dreams He placed inside of them individually.
Allen and I are not the same person. We are one because we love each other, we make decisions together, we support each other. But we are not the same person.
Before I met Allen, I had dreams. And before Allen met me, he had dreams. We shouldn’t give them up because we got married. You’re suppose to chase after your dreams together.
For a while, I did give up my dreams. Because I fell into the small town trap of “a wife is suppose to solely support her husband.” And it caused many fights in our house. I no longer had a drive to do school, to sing, play piano, write, anything. Because that didn’t support my husband. But by giving up those characteristics God put inside of me (intelligence and music), I was giving up on the person Allen fell in love with to begin with. But now that I decided to chase those dreams again, our marriage is better than ever.
So all you married couples out there: Who are you individually? What are your dreams? Who did God create you to be as an individual AND as a couple?
Dream it. Chase it. Be it. Love it. You won't regret it.
Spoiler Alert: Nathan and Haley dream big and live happily ever after together with their son.